Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Absent Mind: A Study of An Adult with ADHD

This has been a busy week for me.

Sunday: Lost my brand-effing-new iPhone (PS I LOVE IT!). Took me two hours to find it. Thought it was in my BF’s car, but because my mind was racing and I didn’t find it right off, I just left. Guess where it was two hours later (After I went back to my apartment to search, and after I enlisted the help of other people, and after I searched several levels of parking garages)? In my BF’s freakin’ car. [Simmer] What the hell!?!

Monday: Lost my keys.

Tuesday: Ran out of gas (Thank you again BF for rescuing me in the snow and sleet. Too bad it was so late at night. I would have bought you something from Mrs. Baxter’s Pastry Shop, 'cause that's precisely where I ran out).

Wednesday: Found out my rent check for January hasn’t cleared, and I’m wondering if I sent it at all. Oh, and I can’t find the receipt I got when my bank issued the cashier’s check. It’s going to be a long time in the bank tomorrow, because I also have to get next month’s rent in the mail.

Okay. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Can I even tell you how many times I’ve lost my keys, wallet, cassette player/CD Player/ipod, phone, and Leatherman/Gerber in the last two decades?

My brain is an effing nightmare. And you know what’s worse? I’m totally self aware, and I still can’t seem to help myself. It bothers me exceedingly.

“So what are the general symptoms of people with ADHD?” you might be wondering.

Here’s me.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:
 Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
 Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
 Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
 Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
 Not seem to listen when spoken to
 Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
 Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
 Struggle to follow instructions.

I’m not saying I’m not appreciative of the mind I do have. It is very good with information I deem pertinent: literature, film, critical essays & music. I just wish, for once, I wasn’t my own worst enemy when it came to keeping track of things.

PS Girlyman, my favorite band, is putting out a new album in a month. I'm SO happy. It's like an early birthday or late Christmas.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Things Change

I think it’s fairly idiotic to suppose a change in the calendar year could possibly alter a person’s entire outlook on life; but I gotta say, since 2012 started twenty days ago, I feel like the glacial wall surrounding my heart has come crashing down in an abrupt “we-should-all-be-freaking-out-about-this-metaphorical-global-warming-because-the-seas-are-rising” kind of way. (Does that metaphor even make any sense?)

To put it in more understandable terms: I feel a lot better about life these days, and sometimes, I cry a little about it.

What’s different?

Have I suddenly met “The One” (AKA “The Eternal Sucker”)?


Have I gotten into grad school? Landed a better job? Decided to join the Peace Corps?

No. No. And I’m thinking it over (Though, probably not. Can you imagine a $7,000 a year paycheck? Or living on nothing but beans and rice for two years? I know people do it for missions, but there’s a reason I never went on one of those, people).

I can only say this much: There is a reason for it all.

What is that reason?

I haven’t the foggiest. But here’s something I do know. In the last month I’ve found hope in unexpected places: new friendships, stronger connections in old ones, and reasons to keep believing that my life isn’t such a waste. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I have a sneaking suspicion somebody else does.

Am I no longer lonely? Frustrated? Restless? Confused? No. I’m still all of those things, but I’ve discovered an indescribably precious truth: Things Change.

P.S. To the person responsible for a story about an elephant named Georgina and a leopard named Leopard: Until the day I die, I will never be able to express how much our adventure meant to me. It made me remember possibilities are only limited by the mind.

(Winter Shots)