Here...Have an intellectual cookie. It’s on me.

I originally meant to send this message exclusively to my parents (You know who you are, my Midwestern peeps.), but I found the topic too interesting to withhold from my almost ten off-and-on followers.

So grab a glass of milk, ‘cause here comes an intellectual cookie.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have always firmly believed e-mail forwards are despicable things that take up space in my inbox and give me the brief and false impression that someone cares enough to write me an actual e-mail. Which tempts me into a tangential discussion of the “lost art of letter writing” to the terse electronic advents of text messaging, Facebook, and Twitter, but I think I’ll spare you.

So rather than just “forward” her message, I wanted to discuss something my company’s Senior Admin decided to forward to the rest of us, the groundling secretaries, this morning. I don't know who gave it to her. Heaven only knows who sent the original document, some millions of forwards ago. But back to my original point...

Somebody out there found a copy of an 8th grade final exam from 1895. And in light of the fact that I am a former public educator and aspiring university professor/graduate student, and because both of you are educated educators, if not by profession, at least in practice, I thought you might want to take a peek at an interesting pedagogical find.

[Please pause to review the attached Exam below.]

I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to answer half of those exam questions without some extremely intense weeks of study and contextual training. But I want you to notice how the questions are posed. Yes, they do require a buttload of memorized information, which I kind of expected considering the period and nature of late 19th century pedagogy. Yet, what strikes me as particularly mindboggling is how they ask the student to substantiate their answers.

Can either of you ever recall meeting a thirteen-year-old who was capable of taking the information they were taught in the public school system and using it to create original, detailed, and fleshed out intellectual expression?

Forgive my candid cynicism and utter lack of faith, but I sure as hell never have. I remember being thirteen, and I couldn’t even zip up my own pants consistently.

Take for example question #10 of the Grammar exam:

“Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.”

I will bet my next month’s salary that students taking this exam in 1895 would never dream of approaching the exam administrator, let alone asking stupid questions like, “Um. What do you mean by ‘show’ the rules of grammar?” Or, “What does ‘therein’ even mean?”

Also notice how most items in the Grammer, History, and Geography sections are posed as essay questions. When I taught 9th grade English, I was still reviewing what basic grammatical components make up a complete sentence, and what information constituted a paragraph. I can’t imagine more than a few pupils of mine being capable of writing coherent answers to these questions. And can you imagine having to grade 220 exams like this? I would kill the students; then I would kill myself.

So what’s my point with all of this? I guess my point is education has completely changed since the advent of uniform, streamline, public education came into existence, and I’m trying to figure out why. You got any insight?

Let me know.

Becky


8th Grade Final Exam 1895

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.
8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS - 1895


Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza, and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.


Arithmetic (Time, 1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft.Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs.what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. For tare?
4. District No33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. Long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.


U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.


Orthography (Time, one hour) [Do we even know what this is??]
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals & nbsp;
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' [HUH?]
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.


Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall, and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

Topic #2 The Quarter-Life Crisis: A Massive Introspective Gripe

The next gripe on my list is a complicated, personal, and a somewhat scattered topic of discussion. Nevertheless, I’m going to attempt to explain how it has affected my life in the last two or three years.

If you feel somewhat confused about what a quarter-life crisis is, let me enlighten you on the subject. The quarter-life crisis (QLC) is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include the following:

1. feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level 2. frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career 3. confusion of identity 4. insecurity regarding the near future 5. insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals 6. insecurity regarding present accomplishments 7. re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships 8. disappointment with one's job 9. nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life 10. tendency to hold stronger opinions 11. boredom with social interactions 12. loss of closeness to high school and college friends 13. financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipated high cost of living, etc.) 14. loneliness 15. desire to have children 16. a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

I am experiencing problems with the following numbers: 3, 7, 8, 12, 14, & 16. Even more depressingly, I have been experiencing these characteristic symptoms for quite some time.

I want to explore these concepts for a little bit.

3. “Confusion of Identity” & 8. “Disappointed with One’s Job”

The summer I turned 18, I moved away from home in Florida to go to school in Utah. For most of this period, my undergraduate years, I was still somewhat dependant on my parents. It took nearly six years to figure out what I wanted to be, and in the fall after I turned 24, I graduated. In that same year, I got my first real job as a teacher. I returned to Florida, and moved in with my parents. When I turned 25, I quit teaching because I became disillusioned with the profession. I also, once again, moved away from home, because I valued my independence, and my desire to get back into school was strong. When I turned 26, this past year, I was back in school for graduate studies, and I had obtained a stable, but mind-numbing job. This sequence of events makes it easier to see why I feel the abovementioned aggravation and anxiety. Think of how many social, emotional, familial, and professional roles I’ve been in and out of in the last eight or nine years. There’s been a lot of adjusting, and I’m not sure it’s always gone as smoothly as I would have liked.

7. “Re-evaluation of Close Interpersonal Relationships” & 12. “Loss of Closeness to High School and College Friends”

Most of this particular portion of my crisis has to do with friends and circles of friends I’ve acquired during my college education. I feel the biggest adjustments take place when my friends graduate from school and/or singlehood.

School is, by definition, a temporary and liminal place (Word’s dictionary is inferior and does not include the word “liminal.” Liminal means the “in-between space.” For example, a doorway is liminal—you are neither inside nor outside, you are in liminal space.). In any case, because it is impermanent, you have to deal with the melancholy truth that one day it will end, people will leave, and all of those meaningful relationships, that seemly taught so much and gave such a semblance of identity, will change, and in many cases, disappear.

It is utterly depressing.

Why does this happen? Because life-roles change. I am still in the liminal space. I am still in school. I am still single. But my friends are going through that threshold, and they are exiting the liminal, and I can’t go with them. In the end, it just makes me wonder, “How do I deal with these changes and experiences when they make me feel like I’m losing my identity, and also, why do I feel like I’m running in place?”

Lastly, we have 14. “Loneliness” & 16. “A Sense That Everyone is, Somehow, Doing Better Than You”

These last two are more closely related to 7. & 12. than the first two. Loneliness has always been a problem for me. But I feel the issue is exacerbated by the loss of friends. It is difficult to be by yourself. It makes me wonder why I’m alone—which leads me to my last topic.

Why does everyone else seem to be happy? Why is everyone else getting married and having babies? Am I hideous? Are my masculine physique and mental prowess too intimidating? Have I been deluded all these years with my childhood hope that one day I would grow prettier and everyone else would grow more intelligent? If anything, I’m growing older and less attractive, and I’ve discovered that most people who had no affinity towards intelligence or desire to develop themselves are just getting dumber. I feel completely alone but surrounded by idiots.



As you can see this particular subject involves quite a few complicate gripes, and I don’t see many comforting solutions at the moment.

Gripes...I'm Good with Gripes

Hello blog people…you five, you.

It’s gripe time again with your favorite enthusiast.

Topic #1: Dollhouse.

I am possibly one of Joss Whedon’s biggest fans. My collection contains hundreds of episodes of “Joss” TV. I’ve very rarely, if ever, had a problem suspending my understanding of reality or beliefs to allow a little bit of his wondrous and sometimes preposterous storylines into my life. There’s always been a redeeming amount of wit and humanity along with his booger covered monsters and blood-sucking heroes. That being said, I am having a hard time enjoying Dollhouse.

Here is a small list of problems I’m having with the show.
1. I am disinterested with the characters.
2. My jury is still out on main actress Eliza Dushku.
3. I hate the creative bastards at Fox.
4. Joss is an atheist.

Explication:

Joss is famous for his impressive and creative ability to make characters and storylines that contain interesting dichotomies. His shows tend to be funny and serious, bloody and poignant, action-packed but include loads of soap operatic content. However, the characters in Dollhouse feel totally flat, and in turn, I feel totally disinterested. In contrast, did I care when Buffy’s best friend Willow turned into a black magic witch and filleted her nemesis alive? You betchya. Do I care if Echo falls off a cliff? Not so much, at this point.

As for Eliza. I felt pleasantly surprised by the first episode, and I hoped the show would offer her more chances to show us her acting chops. Unfortunately, in the last few episodes, I feel like she’s still hitting the same note over and over again in her performances. I don’t know if it’s because they keep giving her the same slut character, or if indeed she is the same slut character. *Shaking head back an forth.* IDK. IDK.

Next we have the creative bastards at Fox. I have a sneaking suspicion the show’s sucking is not entirely Joss’s fault. On more than one occasion, he has admitted to his legions of worshippers the show he sold and the show that Fox bought were NOT the same thing. Which makes me think FOX is once again hampering Joss’s creative juice cocktail. I realize hate it strong word, but if they are the reason the show is sucking, I would just like to say I hate them. I hate them and their mindless, souless, cookie-cutter, marketing desires. May they burn.

Lastly, and I realize this has nothing to do with whether or not I should like the show, but I recently discovered Joss is an atheist. This information shook my world. How could you, Joss, be so blessed, talented, creative, and funny, and not believe in GOD? Maybe your show sucking is your punishment.

Topic # 2 [2 B continued…]

The Thrill is Gone...a Little Bit

Okay folks. So it's been a little while since my last blog post. But, in my defense, I've been a very busy/sick girl, as of late.

Oh, before I discuss anything else, I'd just like to announce that two days ago Joss Whedon's Dollhouse premiere took place, and I feel obligated to say something. 

Watch the show, or you'll go to hell. 

I'm glad I took the time to share that message.

Now, let's talk about me for a bit longer. As I said before, I've not been feeling my most chipper self, and it kind of worries me. I've been sick with a viral monstrosity that morphed into bronchial death for almost two weeks now. It makes sports painful, homework impossible, road trips unbearable, and depletes my energy levels to new time lows. Basically, it makes everything that usually makes me feel alive, feel like crap. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Along those same frustrated lines, I would also like to take a moment to mourn the fact that this Saturday was "Single Awareness Day" or "Forced to Express Feelings Fake or Real Day" or "Candy Companies Marketing the Colors Pink and Red Day". Whatever you want to call it, Valentine's Day Isn't quite what it was when I was five.

These days it just depresses me. And as long as I'm taking the time to express these normally unexpressed gripes with the world, I would also like to mention that I don't want to hear one more thing about how much better is to be married/engaged/ sincerely loved by a significant other. I 'm not inspired to the profane often, but I think those sentiments warrant the following reaction: "No Poop."

Wow. I'm in a daisy mood. I think I'll go take a large sleeping pill and try to breathe out of my unclogged nostril until I finally fall asleep from boredom.

Too bad misery is funny.

It Has Been Scientifically Proven That Seinfeld is Poo

I am not a big fan of Seinfeld. I will not lie. I have always felt the show was a big pile of steaming poo on an otherwise perfectly clean doorstep. The show started in 1989 and ended in 1998, and has basically lived in rerun heaven ever since. In short, I’ve been accidentally stepping into this proverbially pile, whilst flipping through the channels on the boob tube, for almost twenty years. There’s something wrong with that—the way there’s something with wrong with spray on tans or polka dotted fabric.

But let’s get back to the point.

Why do I hate it so?

Well let’s start with the characters. I’ve taken the liberty of “borrowing” some Wikipedia summaries on each of the main character’s traits and story contributions. 

Let’s take a closer look.  

Jerry: Jerry is the show's central character, a stand-up comedian who is often seen as "the voice of reason" amid all the insanity generated by the people in his world. Plot lines often involve Jerry's romantic relationships; he typically finds small, silly reasons to stop dating women; in one episode, he breaks up with a woman because she eats her peas one at a time; in another, it is because, although a beautiful model, she has overly-large "man hands."

 George: George is Jerry's best friend since high school. He is cheap, dishonest, petty and often jealous of others' achievements. He is often portrayed as a loser who is insecure about his capabilities. He frequently complains and lies about his profession, relationship, and almost everything else, which usually creates trouble for him later. He often uses an alias ("Art Vandelay"), when lying or assuming a fake identity.

Kramer: Kramer is Jerry's "wacky neighbor" and friend. His trademarks include his humorous upright pompadour hairstyle, vintage clothing and his energetic sliding bursts through Jerry's apartment door. Elaine refers to him as a 'hipster doofus'. At times, he acts naive, dense, and almost child-like, yet randomly shows astonishing insight into human behavior.

Elaine: Elaine is intelligent and assertive, but superficial. She sometimes has a tendency to be very honest with people, which often gets her into trouble.  She often gets caught up in her boyfriends' habits, her eccentric employers' unusual demands, and the unkindness of total strangers.

What’s to like about these people? Their lives are experiments in human embarrassment. Not a single one of the show’s episodes could exist if the characters simply yielded to their more contentious, honest, compassionate selves.   Instead they live the most contrived and petty existences ever created for human entertainment. In short, they aggravate the hell out of me.

Now that I’ve explained my feelings, let the science be ushered into the argument. 

Roger Ebert, the Pulitzer Prize winning film critic, recently wrote in an online article the following:

Studies have indicated that Elevation, [a term used to describe elevated levels of emotional and intellectual stimulation and its consequential neural chemical releases], is triggered by the stimulus of our vagus nerve, described by Wikipedia as the only nerve that starts in the brainstem and extends down below the head, to the neck, chest and abdomen, where it contributes to the innervations of the viscera. It must be involved in what we call "visceral feelings," defined as "relating to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect."

The vagus nerve would certainly account for what I feel, which is as much physical as mental. For years, when asked "how do you know a movie is great?" I've had the same reply: I feel a tingling in my spine. People look at me blankly. I explain that I feel an actual physical sensation that does not depend on the abstract quality of the movie, but on--well, my visceral feelings.

Yoffe writes: "In his forthcoming book Born To Be Good, Keltner writes that he believes when we experience transcendence, it stimulates our vagus nerve, causing 'a feeling of spreading, liquid warmth in the chest and a lump in the throat'." Yes, that's what I feel. Does it sound familiar to you? Jonathan Haidt devised a fascinating study at the University of Virginia, described by Yoffe:

Since it's tricky to study the vagus nerve, [Haidt] and a psychology student conceived of a way to look at it indirectly. The vagus nerve works with oxytocin, the hormone of connection. Since oxytocin is released during breast-feeding, he and the student brought in 42 lactating women and had them watch either an inspiring clip from The Oprah Winfrey Show about a gang member saved from a life of violence by a teacher or an amusing bit from a Jerry Seinfeld routine.

About half the Oprah-watching mothers either leaked milk into nursing pads or nursed their babies following the viewing; none of the Seinfeld watchers felt enough breast dilation to wet a pad, and fewer than 15 percent of them nursed.

What does all of that mean, anyway? Well, it means that something I have always known has finally been scientifically proven. Seinfeld is Poo.

They Really Are "Lovin' It"

Is it me, or are the majority of movies these days just kind of blah? The highest grossing film this holiday season was a film called Marley & Me—a movie which essentially blends the plots of Old Yeller and the original Beethoven. According to Wikipedia, Marley & Me “set a record for the largest Christmas Day box office ever, with $14.75 million in ticket sales.” I’m not dogging dog flicks, but over the many years that I’ve enjoyed my movie addiction, I’ve come to expect the holidays were a time to view “must-see” films. The only one that looked even remotely interesting was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button—a movie based on a Fitzgerald short story written more than 80 years ago.

Indeed, most of this past year has felt this way, with exceptions noted in the superhero genre—Dark Knight, Hellboy II, and Ironman, to name the more intriguing of the features. Some may blame the writer’s strike, which began in late 2007 and ended somewhere in the late spring, early summer of 2008, for this lackluster year. But I don’t think that’s the answer, since there are still plenty of exhibitions of star power in totally forgettable productions. If you don’t believe me, please see the advertisement for Bride Wars and be amazed that such a production ever got funding, much less showcased with such notable stars.

Others may argue the reason for this wasteland of film is we’re running out of original ideas—that we’ve exhausted the muse. My answer to that is, “nonsense.” We’ve had literary ideas come down through the ages since the time of the Greeks—people who were around as early as 3,000 years before Christ. Are you gonna tell me that all creativity over the last 5,000 years came to a halt in the last ten? Don’t be ridiculous.

I was in my Browning & Tennyson Graduate course on Monday, and my professor, the brilliant Dr. Merlin Chaney, suggested the biggest problem we face today is people do not want to work to find the answers for the more interesting and intellectually tough questions—they want the answers given to them. He said the few of us that are continuing to fight and search for the ultimate truths, are looking into the local McDonald’s window and despairing when they realize that most of the people standing in line really are “Lovin’ It.”

Musings

Dear Gentle Reader,

I wish I were a more prolific writer on this blog. But alas, I have fallen into the same steps as my favorite bloggers—Girlyman & Jane Espenson (Jane is a screenwriter. And if you don’t know who or what a Girlyman is, I won’t bother trying to explain.). I’ve followed both of their blogs for many moons.

Jane, in yesteryears, was only able to crank out a blog entry once or twice a month. More recently, she has posted that she will no longer be writing even that frequently due to her illustrious and prestigious career as a full time writer. The weeping was profuse, as you might have imagined on my part, when I heard the situation was thus.

Girlyman is worse. They only write when they feel like it. So sometimes there will be two or three entries in one week, and then nothing for the next three months. I’m always grateful, but it depresses me verily having to wait so long.

I realize there is no reason on earth for me to believe that I enjoy as many followers as they. Also I am neither a famous writer, nor am I a not-so-famous, but busy touring band member. I do boast a full time work schedule, part time school schedule, and a spot on several sports teams. But you know…those seem kind of peanuts, comparatively.

And now I’m going to change the subject.

Postgraduate work.

“What is this?” You may be wondering. That’s a good question. Because up until two months ago, I couldn’t have told you what the crap it was either. Upon further research however, I came to discover there are three levels to the path of Ph. D-hood.

1. Bachelors
2. Graduate Work
3. Postgraduate Work/Doctorial Candidacy

Cute, huh?

I mean, it makes logical sense to call it that. I just never knew that was the proper terminology.

“What’s this got to do with the price of eggs, Becky?”

Well folks, it would seem as I get older, and the more schooling I acquire (however slowly), I’ve discovered an inconvenient truth—my brain will never be happy until it’s reached the top of the mountain known as University Education (I sincerely wish there were some way for me to make those two words sparkle.).

Ironically, I used to believe that the top of my “Blue Ridge” would be at the end of my bachelors. That seemed the logical conclusion. Especially considering I don’t know anyone inside of my immediate circle of friends who has any intention of taking such drastic efforts to remain irrevocably and permanently poor. Also, I’m hardly the type. My academic track record, up until recently, has been saturated in mediocrity the way a French fry is inundated with grease.

I don’t know what’s changed, really. I tried just as hard in Biology and Geography as I did in Early British Literature. I still got a “C” in all of them. Of course, by the time I was finishing up at BYU, I was rollin’ in the puppies with a low ball “A” semester average. Right now I’m a 4.0 girl. Which makes me wonder, “Is Weber easier? Am I maturing? Is Joss Wheden’s Dollhouse going to fail because it got a Friday Night time slot?” All valid inquiries.

What I do know is this. My proverbial Blue Ridge’s Mt. Jackson or even my Wasatch Front’s Mt. Timpanogos are not enough of a hike. I’m thinkin’ Yosemite’s El Capitan or The Tetons. Those seem like more appropriate goals. Right now I’m weighing my options as ISU and the U of U. We’ll see what we can find.